Hello, friends! 

   I've had the itch to write you all all week so here we are. :) It's mid-October and I haven't written here all year so it sounded like fun to reflect and share. It's been a pretty full year to be honest! I wrapped up the last module of SE (Somatic Experiencing) training in April and thanks to my incredible support people was able to complete the hours required as well so I got my certification at the end of April, yay! It's about 3 years, thousands of dollars, and just as many tears in the making so I was really happy that I finished. Thank you for all of your support along the way! 

  In the spring I made the decision to move my private practice to be strictly virtual. This has been liberating if I'm being honest (and not hyperbolic). I have a remote full-time position but private practice was preventing me from traveling as much as my heart really desired. It was a tough decision to make but it was made easier by my practice naturally dwindling and me just needing to figure out how to fill my own cup more. So, I moved to virtual. Fun fact: I've since moved back to in-person but only a few days a month so it's do-able with my travel schedule. 

  In March (I think?) I met with a writing coach for support to apply to some writing residencies. I didn't get into any of them but the process was very valuable. I was still bummed but I do not regret applying in the least. In May I spent about 6 days in San Francisco to do research for my book. It was awesome. I love SF and I got to see one of my cousins and we spent time together which was really special to me. He happened to be in SF at the same time I was so we got dinner. From SF I flew directly to Atlanta for my niece's graduation. (I was a nanny for a family in college and have maintained my relationships with the kids and the family and it's exhausting to explain this all the time so I've taken to calling the girls my nieces.) Anyway, the older of the two finished high school and that it was incredible to be with her during this time. I'm so proud of her already, and there is still so much life ahead for her. 

  My mom and I also went to Charleston in May which was fun! We are beach snobs (her more than me, the midwest has weakened me) so I was a little nervous because I planned the trip so I wasn't sure if it would be up to her standards. Thankfully it all went smoothly and the beach was wonderful. We ate dinner at a very cool restaurant downtown that's in an old church. It was beautiful! 

  In June I took some actual time off (everything else I was just working remotely) to travel to Santa Barbara, California. The Channel Islands/ Channel Islands National Park have been on my bucket list for a few years and I finally got to go! The trip was interesting. I mean the islands were beautiful and I love, love, loved the ferry ride out and back every day (I do not camp) but I was a little lonely to be honest. I can't tell if I'm just more lonely than I normally am or if I'm enjoying solo travel less as time goes on. I'm not sure. 

  In August I spent a week with my family in North Carolina and that was really lovely too. As per usual they got onto me for living far away (they all live in NC) but this time I started to hear them out. Maybe my next move is to be closer to my family, whenever that is. The closest big city to them is Charlotte but after looking into it I'm more feeling pulled towards Asheville. There are many reasons, one being that I have learned that I am no longer a big city girly. Missouri and Alaska have ruined me. I'm not happy about it but I accept it. 

 I have, of course, been sewing all year. Lots of reverse applique, bucket hats, headbands and bows, and buntings. I've got a new hobby of checking out locally-owned fabric stores anytime I visit a new city or town. The last few years I've kind of been less enthused by roadtrips than I used to be but it turns out that if I can drop 3 figured on fabric every 4-6 hours I'm happy as a clam in the car, even by myself. 

  Last weekend something in me snapped and I haven't been able to stop making art. My art making really took a back seat to sewing and I think I just got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. So now I'm kind of exploding. I'm still sewing but also doing a lot drawing, painting, and printmaking. 

  In September I started a program called APP or Advanced Psychodynamic Psychotherapy through the St. Louis Psychoanalytic Institute. It's been great so far! It's a 2 year thing and while there is a hybrid option I'd like to complete the program in person. So that puts me in STL until May 2028 at the earliest. Which is fine because I love my friends here, my community here, me therapist here, and I have no clue where to go next anyway. I also visited my bestie and her baby in OKC in September and that was magical. I'm working on matching outfits for all of us. <3 

 In more personal news, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD in February and started a medication for it a few weeks later. Wow, what a difference that has made. It has truly changed my life. Around the same time I also formally transitioned to analysis myself and that's been challenging and healing all at the same time. 

  The month of Pride (June) was a challenge this year. I've long admitted to a small number of people that I'm not straight but something landed differently this year which launched me into this orbit around coming out formally/fully. It's been rather messy to be honest, and not fun. Pride was hard in part because that's so not how I feel, I just kinda hate myself to be honest. 

Lastly on the personal side, the faculty member that taught my last year of modules for SE suddenly passed away shortly after I saw her in April. I was devastated. I didn't find out until after all the memorials had been held so I couldn't attend any of them but I did watch the recording of the virtual one which was helpful. I'm still grappling with this. I keep telling myself I'm not doing as much SE work because of my enrollment in APP but the truth is the SE work just hurts right now. I can't separate my practice from my teacher, and none of us were ready when she passed. This is us on "graduation" day. Honestly she probably barely remembers me. I didn't speak that much and was otherwise pretty unmemorable as a student. She meant a lot to me though, and I learned a lot from her. I was still planning to learn from her, but I guess time ran out. I'm so grateful for the time I did have as her student and also kind of hurt that there won't be more. Rest In Peace, Efu. You meant a lot to me. 

 I also started volunteering for hospice again. This time I am in the hospice house (basically a free-standing building that is an inpatient hospice unit) instead of people's homes which already feels a billion times better. Last weekend I sat with a gentleman who was "imminent" (hospice speak for "actively dying") and afraid of being alone when it happened. That was a powerful experience. It was gut-wrenching and heartwarming all at the same time. As painful as it was it was also very real, and that somehow overrides all of the pain. I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from volunteering with hospice or where this will lead. I really don't. All I know is I'm supposed to do it. And this organization feels like a much better fit than the first one I worked with which is validating. 

  I hope all of you are doing well. Thanks so much for being on this journey with me, it really means a lot <3 <3 <3 

 Love,

  Veronica